Why Not One Piece?
by knee-high-socks-and-doctor-who
Summary: What happens when a hipster, a Bleach fan that likes umbrellas, and a GrimmIchi fangirl get dropped off into Las Noches via locker portal? Hilarity ensues.


This is the tale of what _would _happen if my two best friends and I were stuck in the Bleach Universe.

Please enjoy my brainchild.

* * *

You know what? I think my life just sucks in general.

Oh, I seemed to have forgotten to explain the reason _why_. That might come in handy, considering that I'm standing outside Las Noches with my two best friends, wondering how in the name of god we got here.

_Yeah_, I think to myself. _How can this get any worse?_

Well, I'll start from the beginning.

It was a fairly normal day during the summer; in the morning I went to Orchestra camp and in the afternoon I went to Theater camp. Nothing was out of the ordinary, even the fact that I was late to Orchestra Camp like always and the director at Theater camp yelled at me for not knowing all of my lines yet. It was the same.

Until the last workshop of the day at Theater camp. I'm in the costume shop with Andy, screwing around when we're supposed to be looking for costumes, when one of the orange lockers in the dressing room flies open.

Naturally, he blames it on me.

I had an odd feeling, and something about that locker just wasn't right, and just when Andy went to go touch it—

_BAM!_

He was gone. Sucked into it and completely disappeared. I had no idea what to do.

So naturally, I followed him.

I think that stupid portal was only meant for Andy and I, but Rachel happened to walk in right after us, and decided to go close the thing.

Then she got sucked in.

Thus the reason why my life just sucks like nothing else.

"Where the hell are we?" Rachel hadn't ever watched Bleach, and wasn't exactly into Anime, so Andy and I were the only ones who knew what in the name of god was going on. Andy always teased me because I was still about fifty chapters behind in the Manga from where it currently was, so suddenly he knew everything.

_But,_ the Arrancar arc was my _favorite_, which means I paid more attention to it than any of the others. I know practically everything about Las Noches and the Espadas and whatnot. I feel like teasing him now.

I kick the rock wall of the palace, growling in frustration and suddenly wishing I had a zanpukuto that I could blast this wall through with. It seemed so easy in the Anime! But, we're just lowly humans who can't use a damn thing.

I feel retarded.

"What are you doing? That's not going to break it dumbass."

"Shut up!" I snap back, whacking him on the arm. "I'm trying. I don't know what else to do."

Andy and I are like siblings, let's just put it at that.

He hits me back, and I jab him in the ribs, and then he clips me on the shoulder and I kick him in the shin—

"STOP!" Rachel pushes her hipster glasses up her nose (that's what Andy calls them, she hates it). "Just stop being stupid and let's see if there's anyone around or something."

Andy and I exchange a glance, and then burst out laughing out of nowhere.

"What? What?"

"Oh, nothing," I say. "Just the fact that there's NO ONE OUT HERE!"

"Except for Nel."

"Aw, shit, I forgot about that. But wait, what's happening in the series? What time range are we in? Nel could already be in Las Noches right now—"

"Do you _see _a hole in the side of this building anywhere? No. So that means they're probably in the Menos Forest." Andy scratches the back of his head. "Or they're just taking forever to get here."

I groan. "This is going to take forever!"

Rachel is just about as clueless as ever. "I don't know what's going on, so whatever happens don't expect me to know anything."

I decide to sit down against the big white wall of he outside of the palace, pulling my knees up to my chest. The one and only thing I _don't _want happening is an Espada coming out and trying to kill us or something. But knowing Aizen, he'll probably just want to ask us a bunch of questions or give us to Szayel and do a bunch of weird ass tests on us.

Just our freaking luck.

I don't even want to talk right now, just sulk and obsess over our imminent deaths in the coming future.

I might not mind it as much if it were Grimmjow killing me.

_Yeah_.

And then suddenly, we hear something in the distance. I stand and shuffle over to where Andy and Rachel are standing, peering at the hazy horizon. There's a small shuffle of movement, and then Andy and I recognize who it is and drag Rachel over to a smaller hill of sand we can hide behind as the group approaches. She cusses colorfully as we throw her into the sand, the two of us peering over the edge to see the group of soul reapers speaking over by the wall of Las Noches.

"We'll wait for them to blow the hole in the wall, and then we'll follow them through." Andy says. "We don't want them to see us."

"Why not?" I whine. "It's been my lifelong dream to meet _Ichigo Kurosaki_. Are you kidding me?"

"Okay, just stop being a fangirl for a minute, and think about the consequences. They meet us; we could totally obliterate the storyline. We could change so much, it's not even funny."

"I have no idea what you two are talking about," Rachel grumbles, dumping sand out of her shoes.

"I never said it was funny, I just want to meet probably _the _hottest Anime character ever. Would you give me a break?" I hit him in the arm again, and just as he is about to respond, Rachel decides to hit Andy instead, scolding him for acting like such a child.

There's a big _boom! _And Rachel jumps. We look up to see that Renji and Ichigo have blown the hole through, and now they're entering Las Noches.

Just as they're out of sight Andy yells "Go!" I get up and grab Rachel by the wrist, and we sprint off towards the opening to the palace. My heart is practically in my throat, and I badly want to ask Andy if he has a flashlight so we can see through the darkness.

He pulls out his phone, flashing the spider-webbed screen that had cracked one day during camp after he'd dropped it (long story, do _not _want to explain). We can only see a few feet in front of us, but I really don't mind.

I'm just terrified that an arrancar is going to find us and kill us.

I always thought that if I'd ever be in Bleach, that I would brave if I were faced with a hollow or a shinigami or an arrancar. But honestly, I'm terrified for my life. We've got nothing to protect us, and we're trying to slink around and follow Ichigo's group so we don't "change the plot or storyline". I'm afraid that we'll catch up too fast, and Ichigo will get spooked and accidentally zap us with a Getsuga Tensho, almost like how Jesse Eisenberg's character killed Bill Murray on accident in the movie _Zombieland_. I don't want to die like that.

"Let go of my arm!" Andy shakes me off, holding his phone out as we walk hesitantly in the direction the group went. We can distantly hear their voices down the corridor, a small needlepoint of light in the distance.

"I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm _scared_."

"Shut up!" Rachel whines. "You're making _me _scared. I don't even know anything about this, I don't know what to expect. You shouldn't be so scared!"

"Stop being such girls! It's just the dark. How can you still be afraid of the dark?" Andy snaps. "Once we get inside we'll be fine."

"How can you say that?" I nearly shout. "We'll be in real danger once we get in there! There are freaking Espadas _in there!_"

"So what?" Andy just keeps walking ahead of us. "We can just…_run _or something. Can't we?"

"No!" I whine, my voice taking on a high pitch. "They're fast and strong and really _really damn SCARY!_"

Andy slaps a hand over my mouth. "Don't be so loud."

"I don't care anymore," I whimper. "I'm a huge phony, and we're all gonna die because I'm too stupid and can't keep my mouth shut and—"

Andy hits me in the face.

"_Hey!_"

"Would you two stop it?" Rachel pushes past me. "Let's get on it with it, it can't be that ba—_aaddd!_"

And then she's gone.

"Andy, what just happened?"

"I think she fell in a hole."

"No shit, Sherlock. But is it the hole that leads to the corridor that is inside Las Noches, or is it just some random hole?"

"I don't know, let's find out."

And then we're falling.

This was turning out to be one of best/worst/_strangest_ day of my life.

I was starting to like it.

* * *

Feedbaaaaccckkkk!


End file.
